My first STD was from a foam party
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
