from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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