so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
