Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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