"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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