I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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