I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
