I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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