Do you still have your period?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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