I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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