so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
