I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we're so committed to being not committed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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