I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
