i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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