So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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