My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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