make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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