Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
