Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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