He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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