do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
