I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
