okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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