Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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