a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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