I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
