Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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