So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize