i think i have herpe
just one?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
