he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
