Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i love accidental penises.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
