i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
