your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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