Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
