Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize