im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i need some magic done to my vagina
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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