It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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