my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
