At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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