She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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