either way he was missing a nipple.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
