the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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