in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Boobs speak an international language.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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