you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
