I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
