idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
