Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize