i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
