Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
