I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
