Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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