I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
