Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
