some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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