I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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