I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Soap is not a condiment
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
