I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
