I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
