So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
