ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
