Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
