I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
