You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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