What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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