We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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