Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
