A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
