Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want a musical about memes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
