awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
