Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
