If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
