apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
