Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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