What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my shit smells like andre
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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