Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize