"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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