she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
