i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
