So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
